Hell Of A Ride So Far

Happy Toast is a user on B3ta who never fails to amuse me. He's a fucking genius with the old Photoshop and video skills. But his latest effort has me pissing myself laughing.

A mad Bri called David Icke, for you 'Merkins, has been banging on about the Swine Flu vaccine being part of a huge conspiracy by the Elders of Zion, the Illumanatai and the New World Order. So he posted a video claiming that all vaccines are evil and are only there to fuck up your immune system and make you ill. Oh - and he thinks the Royal Family are Lizard Aliens.

His video is here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkiclMWy3Ns

but don't bother watching it. He really is as mad as a box of frogs.

And here's Happy Toast's version....Slightly NSFW.





To see more of Happy Toast's work you can visit his B3ta Profile:

http://b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=46786

Or visit his blog:

http://happytoastsblog.blogspot.com/

Cheers

Me and the missus have outgrown our current flat so we're moving across town to Bulleen. We've rented a 3 bedroomed house near the Yarra Flats which will suit me as it means I can walk to the river for fishing whenever I want. Yay!

Now the bad news. I've got the bloody flu. Probably swine flu but I'm not going to bother going to the docs. No point. I'll just let it run it's course.


In other news, I've organised a piss-up for all the Melbournians I know from the net. So, if anyone who reads this blog wants to come along, drop me a line. It's on Friday the 3rd July at a pub called the Great Britain.

Cheers

Our embattled Prime Minister did himself no favours yesterday when he cocked up his D-Day speech.


Keyboard cat was not impressed.....

Thought I might as well jump on the bandwagon and create my own keyboard cat video.




Cheers

I'm not much of a gambler except for the bloody slot machine in the working-man's club which was on-site where I worked. (Weird story about why they had a club onsite - I'll explain one day).

Anyway, not much of a gambler but, over the last few days I've become addicted to Texas Hold' Em on Facebook and I found out a few things. I'm pretty good during the day or early evening. In a single day I managed to gamble my starting stake up to 480 000 dollars. (Don't panic. It's pretend money. I don't think I'd ever play for high stakes real money). But as soon as I've had a couple of glasses of wine I turn to complete shit. Went from 480 000 down to 19 000 in about an hour.

Back up to 70 000 now and have decided never to play if I'm drinking.

Cheers

Had fun couple of days learning all about streaming real-time video over the Net. It all came about as one of Mrs Legless's reaching places want to stream lectures to registrars in remote regions. As usual, they're dicking about getting quotes from all over the place - one's with lots and lots of zeros on them - and are getting nowhere fast. So I thought I'd give it a go.

Turns out you can do it for free using thus kit: http://www.umediaserver.net

So I downloaded the software and gave it a go. Works really, really well. So now I can stream audio and video from my desktop to anyone I like. Another nice feature is the ability to stream your desktop as video. Lovely for giving demonstrations.

I tested the stream this afternooon with Mrs Legless connecting from her house, across the Net, to my server. Worked a treat.

OF course the limiting factor is bandwidth. As the Interenet won't let you use multicast you're stuck with unicasting which means for each viewer you need a seperate stream. Unless you have a shitload of upstream bandwidth to play with you rapidly run out. I reckon only about 4 users over my 2meg upstream ADSL for full video. Streaming the desktop though means I could probably have about 10 - 15 users.


Been fun playing with it though. I'm bound to find a use for this sometime...

Cheers

Just posted this on the photobucket blog. The cunts have deleted my image of a pie with a sausage stuck in it because it, somehow, violates their terms and conditions. A pie. With a sausage stuck in it.

So I tried to find out a way of contacting them and ran into a brick wall. So I posted the stuff below onto their Blog. It was the only way I could find of gettiong a message to them.

Cheers

**********************************




Is this a joke?

Your support stinks. I mean really, really stinks.

Your so-called contact page has no way to email you or contact you - unless you want to buy something.

Your fucking forums are a joke, They don't fucking work - pretty much like your support.

I registered so I could ask why the fuck you'd deleted one of my images and everytime I try to open a thread I'm told that "I don't have permission!!' I also get this mnessage even if I try to edit my OWN FUCKING PROFILE!!!


OK. So that's the way you want to play. Well fuck you, and the horse you rode into town on.


I'll be writing up this experience on my blog and recommending that nobody uses this piss-poor excuse for a service. I'll also be downloading my images tomorrow and hosting them on my own fucking server. After that you can delete my account and shove your poxy system up your arse.

*Sigh* All I wanted to know was why you'd deleted one of my images. It was a picture of a pie. With a sausage stuck in it. Not even remotely obscene - unless you're a pie lover I suppose.

Fuck you.

Legless

A mate of mine is getting married and asked all of his mates to submit a recipe that would be bound and printed as a wedding memento. Excellent idea.

So I thought I'd submit a recipe invented by my old flatmate, Andy.

I give you....


The Amble Picnic.


The height of sophistication in Amble.

Ingredients.

Pie
Tin of pineapple rings
Sausage, deep fried.







Method.

Take your pie and shove the sausage into the middle of it so the sausage is poking skywards. Then, get someone who isn't from Amble, to open the tin of pineapples.
Note: If the chef is from Amble and attempts to open the tin themselves then make sure you have plenty of sticking plaster available.

Once you have the tin open, take out a single ring of pineapple and carefully place over the sausage.

Serve with 12 cans of wife-beater (men) or 2 bottles of Blue Nun (women).






Cheers

One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest.....

This latest outbreak of flu in Mexico is a bit concerning.

I first heard about it yesterday at about 10 pm. Then I set a Google Alert and had all of the emerging news stories emailed to me. Looks like this one could be a proper bastard.

The thing that bothers me about this flu is the way it kills people and, more importantly, the type of people it's killing. Normal, seasonal flu, tends to kill the very old and the very young. This one kills people who are in the prime of life. The age range 25 - 45. This is exactly the same demographic that the last great Pandemic Flu, the 1918 Spanish Flu, killed. And the reason is really nasty.

Recent research showed that way the Spanish Flu killed was to switch off a gene called RIG-1, a key component of the immune system, and this causes the immune system to run wild and attacks the body's own tissue. The immune system targets the cells in the lungs and, quite literally, destroys the lungs. Victims drown in their own blood. A gruesome way to die.

So the people most at risk of death (not infection - most people are vulnerable to catching this but most will recover) are the very fit and healthy, the people with robust immune systems.


Ironic, isn't it? If this flu goes pandemic we might end up with a world full of HIV positive people and wheezing asthmatics. Err, Puffs and No-Puff you might say....


Still. It'll probably come to nothing and will fizzle out in the next few weeks. But this report from a doctor in Mexico City suggests otherwise:

"I work as a resident doctor in one of the biggest hospitals in Mexico City and sadly, the situation is far from "under control". As a doctor, I realise that the media does not report the truth. Authorities distributed vaccines among all the medical personnel with no results, because two of my partners who worked in this hospital (interns) were killed by this new virus in less than six days even though they were vaccinated as all of us were. The official number of deaths is 20, nevertheless, the true number of victims are more than 200. I understand that we must avoid to panic, but telling the truth it might be better now to prevent and avoid more deaths.

Yeny Gregorio Dávila, Mexico City "


Enjoy your day.

Cheers

EDIT: http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/queens/2009/04/25/2009-04-25_150_kids_sick_at_queens_school.html


Could be just hysteria but 150 kids reported sick at another school. If this turns out to be true, and it is the new flu, then this really could be the big one. We've be long overdue for a pandemic and this is shaping up to be a real killer.

The most incredibly display of sheer skill I've ever seen. Ever.

I'm just blown away by this guy. It's like the first time I saw parkour times 10 000.










Cheers

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/8000447.stm


So the Yanks have racked up three points and a capture and now the cheese-eating-surrender-monkeys have captured another 11 to add to the bunch they offed the other week (mind - they did score an own goal and had the owner of the yacht die....). So, the question I want answered is when the bloody hell are we going to get on the score-board?


Think about it. This war against the pirates is tailor-made for us  Brits. The pirates have leaky speed-boats, hand-held GPS and are armed only with soft fruit (and the occasional AK47 and RPG). Whereas we have have mighty steel-clad ships, comabt drones, satellite imagery and helicopter gun-ships. - Oh - and guided missiles.   We can't lose. And if there's one thing we Brits all love is a good bloody war with someone we know we can beat hands-down. SO come on Gordan (you wall-eyed spastic porridge-wog) - cry Havoc and let loose the (sea) dogs of war!!


Before it gets really embarrassing and someone like the Italians score before we do.


Cheers

They're after me!!!





Image generated by a lovely site called PicRolled...

http://www.picrolled.com/

Nice idea.

Cheers

.
Some of you will know that Australia's National Anthem is Advance Australia Fair. It's pretty mediocre and some of the lyrics are a bit, well, dumb. Take the line:

"Our Land Is Girt By Sea"

Of course it is mate. That's what land is. It's not sea. All land is "girt by sea".  (hat-tip to Al Murray)

Anyway. I've just discovered something that most Australians don't know. There's actually 5 verses to Advance Australia Fair and not 2 as most Ozzies think. The verses 2, 4 and 5 are rarely sung because they bang on about how wonderful Britain is and how Australia is essentially British. No wonder they keep those verses quiet. Can't wait to to trot this out down the pub next time I called a Pommie bastard.

Missing verses in italics.


Australians all let us rejoice,
For we are young and free;
We've golden soil and wealth for toil,
Our home is girt by sea;
Our land abounds in Nature's gifts
Of beauty rich and rare;
In history's page, let every stage
Advance Australia fair!
In joyful strains then let us sing,
"Advance Australia fair!"

When gallant Cook from Albion sail'd,
To trace wide oceans o'er,
True British courage bore him on,
Till he landed on our shore.
Then here he raised Old England's flag,
The standard of the brave;
With all her faults we love her still,
"Brittannia rules the wave!"
In joyful strains then let us sing
"Advance Australia fair!"

Beneath our radiant southern Cross,
We'll toil with hearts and hands;
To make this Commonwealth of ours
Renowned of all the lands;
For those who've come across the seas
We've boundless plains to share;
With courage let us all combine
To advance Australia fair.
In joyful strains then let us sing
"Advance Australia fair!"

While other nations of the globe
Behold us from afar,
We'll rise to high renown and shine
Like our glorious southern star;
From England, Scotia, Erin's Isle,
Who come our lot to share,
Let all combine with heart and hand
To advance Australia fair!
In joyful strains then let us sing
"Advance Australia fair!"

Shou'd foreign foe e'er sight our coast,
Or dare a foot to land,
We'll rouse to arms like sires of yore
To guard our native strand;
Brittannia then shall surely know,
Beyond wide ocean's roll,
Her sons in fair Australia's land
Still keep a British soul.
In joyful strains the let us sing
"Advance Australia fair!"

Cheers

I thought Obama was going to be different but apparently not. In his little speech last night he said, and I quote:

" The nation that invented the automobile cannot walk away from it."

Yes you can 'cos you didn't invent the fucker it was a Frenchman (although Benz, a German is often given the credit.) Just like you didn't capture capture the Enigma machine in WW2 as portrayed in U-571 (it was the British ship Bulldog).

Someone have a word with Obama and tell him to stop re-writing history....

Cheers

I was sitting here coding when an odd thought struck me.

What's the most popular word on the Internet according to Google? By that, I mean what word or phrase will get the highest number of pages returned by Google?

I'll start you off with index.php ----- 2,650,000,000


Words must be longer than three letters to qualify. So no "the" "a" or "USA".

Add your biggest score in the comments.

Cheers

Article from The Australian detailing the horror of last Saturday.

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,25051344-2702,00.html




( Full article )

The Red Cross appeal for the bushfire victims has hit $74 million now. Australian film and music starts all over the world have pitched in and donated.

And not only Australians. A special mention has to go to Leonard Cohen who toured Oz last month. When he heard he pitched in with $200 000.


It's nice when strangers come together after a disaster.

Cheers

.
Well, it's been an interesting week. Unless you're here in Oz, I don't think that you can really get an idea of the scale of the bushfires here.

The day of disaster was last Saturday. 45c heat ( about 114f ) and winds of around 60mph an hour. Because the bush was tinder-dry, the wind made the fires into immense blow-torches. Added to that a sudden change in wind direction and the towns were fucked. Proper fucked.

The wind and flame just roared down the mountainside and house after house just exploded.

6 miles in ten minutes.

I then found that there were loads of message boards where people were looking for survivors. All comms, landline and mobile, were out in the affected areas, and people just couldn't get any information about friends and loved ones. A lot of the survivors were registering with the Red Cross, but, to be perfectly honest, the Red Cross's systems were a pile of wank. I've talked to people who spent over 48 hours solid ringing the Red Cross missing person line and getting the engaged tone. Hang up, hit redial and repeat.

But you could always get through to the Donate number. Go figure.

So I setup my own website that listed known survivors. 30 minutes to write and setup the database.

In three days I've had over 500 000 hits, served 200 000 pages and transferred over 9 gig of data.

Now my site is run by volunteers who are constantly updating it. I've had dozens of emails from all over the world thanking me for putting up the resource - people who've found their friends or relatives.

Now why the fuck couldn't the Red Cross, with their survivor lists, do something similar?

And yes, I emailed them and offered my server and services. No fucking answer.

http://www.daftdoggy.com/bushfire/Summarysmry.php?grpperpage=ALL


Cheers

We've just had to hottest day on record in Melbourne. 46.9c. It was brutal. I went outside at one point but had to come back indoors as my eyeballs started to shrivel. We don't have air-con but we'd bought two portable units. With those going full blast they managed to keep the temperature indoors down to about 34c - hot, but bearable.

To add to Victoria's woes a series of devastating bushfires have broken out. And I mean devastation. Here's a link to a place called Maryville.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/video/2009/02/08/2485362.htm

45 degree heat, tinder dry bushland and winds of 80km drove these fires. As I write, there are still 9 buring out of control.

Thankfully, the weather has changed and a cool front has arrived. It hit my place at about 6pm last night and the temperature dropped 15 degrees in ten minutes.

Cheers